Stab the Ass

2009-07-16T21:53:00.000-07:00

Omg, I swear im going to die from boredom like anyday during the summer holidays! :( To think of it now.. i got 3-4 months of holidays. HAHAHA. But still, do you know how boring it is here? There is practically nothing to do and my dad is working most of the time. Which causes his stupid mood to spoil when he comes back. Usually he would be happy and all, but these days he got anger issues. To put it easy.. Means no where to go and no fun lor. Damn boring, cannot find anything to do. Want to go outside and play also cannot, cause our bikes went on a vacation to heaven. Other than that, it'd funny to see a 15 yr old riding a scooter down the driveway.

Wished we can head off to Aunty's house. It's bound to be more fun then here. Look at my daily routine shall we. Wake up, eat, watch tv, use computer, eat, watch tv, use computer, shower, eat, computer, computer ,rest and sleep. That's about the amazing life here! Hahahaha, how suckish can this get. Brother keeps complaining on when we can go to the library. I want to go for dance lessons in the summer. wtf? library!!! i wana read!@!@!

My whole summer is wasted. What kind of a summer is this? Everybody is having fun and we're just stuck here in a stuffy house. Unreasonable, feel like asking my dad to sign us up for dancing or baseball lessons. But his bad mood makes us all afraid of him. Worst part of dad is he and his sarcasm, swear its fucking scary. You can end up crying and you dont know it. Trust me, experienced person here *raises hand*.

this is darren ---holy shit ... am i dead?!?!! i think i am!!! im in helll!!!! help meee mumaaa!@!

im gona start taking drugs =).... *lol drools *

hahaha, funny brother i have huh! LOL. But seriously this time around i wished that i would start school earlier. In fact i am, starting school on august 10th. Yay for me. -__- OMFUCKINGGOD, THIS IS FREAKIN BORING. I AM GOING TO GO OFF THE COMPUTER NOW. BYE.

ZAIJIAN :!!!

lol yeah.. basiclly everything she siad.... <--me

2009-07-15T16:32:00.000-07:00

o shet u gota read this!!!

Today, my girlfriend of over a year said she has been faking her orgasms since the first time we've had sex. FML Today, my girlfriend of over a year said she has been faking her orgasms since the first time we've had sex. FML

2009-07-15T16:20:00.000-07:00

fuck... f-u-c-k .... omg..

FML

2009-07-09T09:10:00.000-07:00

sozz im tired of changing random colors .... so red it is .. "beat it!!!!"-michael jason

Today, my girlfriend threw me on the couch as I walked in the door. I butt dialed my mom in the process. My girlfriend took off my pants and we got to business. After about 30 seconds of hearing what was going on, my mom thought something was wrong and called the cops to my apartment. FML

Today, I received 7 notifications on facebook. Girls in my grade were commenting on my photo because they knew the location of it. They then started to have a conversation and they planned a whole social event. On my photo. I wasn't invited. FML

Today, I receved a parking ticket for $150 from my husband who is a police officer and who aparently can't remember licence plate numbers. FML

Today, I got home and threw my phone onto my bed as usual. This time it bounced out the window. FML

Today, I went on a date, and everything was going fine- until the ride home. On the way, I starting having progressively bad stomach pains. Once she left the car, I passed the worst gas that I had ever encountered. As I began to drive, she knocked on the window. She forgot her purse in the car. FML

Today, I was playing tennis with my friend. He hit a ball up high, and I slammed it down, thinking there was no way he would get it. Feeling pretty good about it, I turned around to celebrate. As I turned around, I got smacked in my face. He got it. FML

Today, I was driving home from my friend's house and noticed this really cute girl riding her bike. She had an amazing body, beautiful blonde hair and looked like my kind of girl! About 10 minutes after I got home, my sister pulled up. She had just biked home from the hair salon. FML

Today, I worked up the courage to ask my crush out for coffee after work. She agreed and I confidently said "Alright, it's a date!" She replied, "Haha a date with you? I'm just going for the free coffee!" FML

Today, my wife and I decided to try a relationship book. The first activity was to write down some things your partner does that bothers you. I made a very long list, then my wife and I swapped papers. She'd written, "nothing, I love everything about you." She read my list and began tearing up. FML

Today, I went to my friend's house for the first time. As I was pulling up, I called him and asked him if I could use his bathroom. He told me to just go in the back and use it, so i did. As i'm sitting on the toilet, someone knocks on the door and asks me who I am. It wasn't my friend's house. FML

NEW-Today, I was at a second interview for a job that I really need as I got laid off last month. Midway through the interview I went to cross my legs and realized I had on 2 different shoes. FML gj

NEW-Today, one of my bosses came into work and told me that they had seen my dad's twin in the supermarket holding hands and kissing a much younger woman and her baby. My dad doesn't have a twin. FML

NEW-Today, I ran into my crush of three years ago. We used to always walk our dogs together. He still remembered my dog's name. He didn't remember mine. FML bwuahaha loser

NEW-Today, I went out to dinner with my brother. There was a very attractive man sitting a few tables away who kept glancing at me. When my brother excused himself to the bathroom, the man worked up the courage to come over and introduce himself to me. He asked me if my brother was single. FML kewl!

NEW-Today, my girlfriend of ten months sent me a picture message of her making out with a guy. Under it, it read "you can pick your stuff up in the morning." FML ...

NEW-Today, at about 1 a.m. I got a drunk text from my girlfriend thanking me for the amazing sex last night. I have been out of town for 3 days. FML ...

NEW-Today, I saw myself in a 'girls gone wild' ad with another girl. So did my mom. FML ...

NEW-Today, my husband called me from work just to chat. He asked what I had been up to today. I was feeling frisky so I told him all about how I had gotten horny, watched a porno and masturbated earlier. It wasn't until I heard the hoots and laughter that I realized he had me on speakerphone. FML.. wtf?

NEW-Today, I finally got a chance to try out my vibrator. I've never orgasmed before with a guy, so I thought there was no hope until my friend gave me the vibrator for my birthday. It was going amazing, better than sex. I was literally 2 seconds away from climaxing when the battery suddenly died. FML >----->you have fingers.. use them .... <-----<>

Today i called my boyfriend and told him i was bored...he was playing warcraft with his friends ... his response? You got fingers. Use them.

NEW-Today, I went to take off her bra, and when I finally unhooked it from behind her, it snapped back and hit me in the eye. FML You Deserve It.

NEW-Today, I got hypnotized at my school's variety show. Apparently, when asked to do something I enjoy doing, I began to violently hump the floor. FML same here.. exepct i hump my pillow.. =)

NEW-Today, I finally beat the song "Through the Fire and Flames" on Guitar Hero 3. I then realized that it was the biggest accomplishment I've ever made in my entire life. FML

NEW-Today, my boyfriend brought me breakfast in bed, told me all the things he loved about me, got down on one knee and pulled out the little blue box I had been hoping for, for so long. He opened the box and there was a note inside that said, "April Fools!" FML

NEW-Today, my parents were out so I invited my girlfriend over. It was the afternoon, and things started to heat up. We were having sex, and I was about to finish. Then I looked through the window, to see a construction worker (who was fixing the house next to mine) giving me a thumbs up. He's her dad. FML.. what a kool dad.. i mean it

NEW-Today, I bit my boyfriend's neck. I felt something squirt into my mouth. Turns out I had just popped a pimple on his neck. Into my mouth. FML.. mmmmm those have alota nutrients!..

NEW-Today, I went to my new doctor to establish the paperwork. During the questionnaire, she asked if I was sexually active. I said yes. She then asked, "what do you do?". I told her I normally did vaginal, but would sometimes do anal. She blushed and started to laugh. She was asking where I worked. FML... wow biggest dumb ass ever! nice fml tho whoever u are lol.. u must be horny all the time..

NEW-Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled : "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML i feel deeply sorry for u ... not face the consequences PERIOD

NEW-Today, I was walking when a man pointed a camera at me, so I decided to be bitchy about it and say "Did I say you could take a picture?" and he replied with, "No, but can you get the fuck out of the way so I can take one of my wife and kids." I turn around, and they were right behind me. FML GtFo BiTcHaSs MuthaSHIFT8SHIFT8SHIFT8SHIFT8

NEW-Today, I woke up to the sound of scissors. My mom was cutting my hair while I was asleep. FML that happened to my friend too roflolmfao

Today, I cancelled out of a video chat with my boyfriend to go take a shit. I took my computer with me to look at Facebook. It took three minutes for me to realize I was still on video chat. FML constipation

NEW-Today, my boss called me into his office to show me the web site of a potential business partner. When he began to type 'virginia' into google, it auto-completed his search with his recent search for 'virgin boy assholes'. I have to go on business trip with him tomorrow. I'm a young guy. FML

NEW-Today, I went to a movie with my boyfriend. In the lobby, I asked why the glasses were not working. I said, "Do they only work inside the theater?" My boyfriend replied, "3-D glasses just work inside the movie, everything else in the World is pretty much 3-D." FML my response? breack up with her lol jk

NEW-Today, I heard my sister masturbating in her room. I took the dog around the block to get out of the house, and I came back to see her leaving her room... my electric toothbrush in her hand. FMLUGHHHHHHHHH!@!@! I WAS JUST BRUSHINGG MY TEEEEETHHH.....#!@!@!

Today, I got excited when my cell phone lit up because I hadn't received a single phone call all day. Turns out it was the "low battery" indicator. FMLbwuahahahhaha wow loser! lol

Today, I was looking at my friend's dad's Facebook pictures because he recently posted a status update. I saw him at a bar with some ugly hooker that he was feeling up in almost every picture. After about 10 minutes of ridiculing and laughing at this ugly woman, I realize it's my mom in a wig. FML

Today, I was in the car with my mom and dad. My mom turned around and asked, "Have you had sex yet?" I said no, which is true. My dad cracked up and said, "Told you so!" My mom frowned, took out her wallet, and handed him 20$. My parents bet on my nonexistent sex life. FML someday my man .. someday....

Today, my 14 year old sister deleted my entire iTunes library, which had every song by The Doors, The Beatles, The Grateful Dead and the Rolling Stones, because she thought my music was "weird." She replaced it with Britney Spears, Miley Cyrus and the Jonas Brothers. FML<--- omg wtf millie joking

Today, my boyfriend picked me up to come spend the night at his house, and on the way he started pulling over to get some condoms. I told him no need, I was on my period. He turned the car around and took me home. FML

Today, I had sex with my fiancee. My panties fell behind the bed. Later, when I went to get them, I found three other pairs. Only one pair was mine. FML

Today, I was in charge of throwing a party for my mom. I told my little brother he was suppose to blow up the balloons which were in my dresser. Apparently, he accidentally found all my condoms, unknowingly, and decorated the house in prophylactics instead of balloons. Happy Birthday, Mom. FML

Today, I was flirting with this cute girl from Croatia that is part of the my exchange group in Holland. After a few beers and some smooth talking, she led me inside to a closed off room. We were about to have sex when her boyfriend of 2 years called and proposed to her. FML

Today, I woke up finding myself violently humping my pillow. My mom recorded it. FML<-dat.... was not me!.

FML

2009-07-08T17:01:00.000-07:00

Millie told me to put somethin funny up so i tot this would be a great hit.

u guys probablay know abuot it alrdy

FML - the best "what do i do i'm bored right now website!"

btw don't go there please!! read from my blog ty!!

funny shet happens there! wont tell u were it is lol... dun wana .. hehe..

taka look lahhhh<--- there i did it sis i lahh-ed for u! singaporean accent soo funny! lah lor lea ciao ect. w/e ... dadada

Today's Daily FmL-----------------

Today, I looked in my pocket for the phone number of a girl I met last night at a party. I remembered us talking and exchanging phone numbers. When I found the piece of paper, I discovered that instead of writing her number down, I had drunkenly written down my own. FML

Today my boyfriend proposed to me at the zoo. With a Ring Pop. He was serious. FML

Today, I was helping my friend with her little sister's birthday party. We were playing a game where you get up and switch seats if you've done a certain thing. One girl said to switch if you've kissed a boy. I watched as 18 12-year-olds switched seats with each other. I stayed sitting. I'm 17. FML <---saddd ='(

Today, I was riding on the back of my dad's motorcycle. After a few minutes, the vibrations from the engine became way too much for me and I couldn't control myself. I had such an intense orgasm, sitting right behind my father, with my arms around his waist. FML <--- made me laugh like hell! lawlll

alrite one more laugh!

Today, my boyfriend of 3 years dumped me. I was really depressed so a couple of my friends came over to take me out to a club to cheer me up. My ex was there, partying with his friends. He came up to me and my friends and asked my friend if she wanted to hang out sometime. She said yes. FML

hope u enjoyed! happy millie?!

2009-07-08T16:58:00.001-07:00

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

HIHIHIHIHIHIHI,

Brother is currently trying very hard to kill me. He's using deck cards and flinging it towards the ceiling fan, which causes it to go towards me. & my brother said " Hello guys, im shitting right now, im shitting and blogging at the same time. you wna shit with me right now? I have some weird sister. " Just for laughs okay. OH WAIT NOT FUNNY, JUST RETARDED.

Sorry haven't been updating on the life here. Well let me try to remember waht i did. Had a bbq in our backyard to celebrate independence day as well as my brother's birthday. Dad's workers came and my aunt. BLAHBLAHBLAH. OH! & bbq parties means "bring your whole family along"for mexicans. HAHAH.

Hmm, im very happy cos a passerby said i had awesome friends! and that all of your tags are touching! :) & i really have to agree that all of you guys rock to the core.

Blog somemore later. click this shit down here!@!@!@!

lol yesh i fkin leached this shit from my sis.. she keeps telling me to put something funny...and btw clara is hot ! =) i meant cute ...

( dots, millie here. you all know which clara he talking about? O: haha! )

2009-04-12T10:25:00.000-07:00

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